| Oi
Trappy!
My Marriage is
in danger of falling apart as I am hopelessly
addicted to Gambling and have spent almost every
penny of our savings and a sizeable redundancy I
received four months ago. We have three children
(aged 9-16) all of whom are extremely bright and
should succeed should they get the chance to go
on to Higher Education. Obviously, this is in
jeopardy, as I am currently incapable of hanging
onto any money. I feel sick when I think of the
emotions that run through my mind at the thought
of placing a bet on the next possible race... My
one consolation is that I am as equally inept as
the tipster currently filling the Sports Pages
of The Bunce on a daily basis.
Trappy's
Response..
Situations
like this are always made sadder by the fact
that children are involved. Gambling Addiction
'is' an 'Illness', much like Dysentry. Both can
be treated in time but will leave you drained
and lose you many friends along the way. You
sound like a hopeless case so perhaps find a
good samaritans floor you can sleep on and
perhaps consider a DNA test to see if the kids
are actually yours (the little parasites!)
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Oi Trappy!
I am a male 19
year old 3 times GCSE failure. I tend to spend
all day jamming Star Wars
figures in my anus and trying to meet as many
unsuspecting people as possible which gives me a
cheap and heady thrill.
Recently I have
taken to riding around
all day on the bus (which uses up all of my
allowance) to increase my exposure to strangers
and increase my overall discomfort on those hard unsprung seats! I am really very depressed,
please help.
Trappy's
Response..
My, I
certainly feel for you. You really are in an old
two and eight as my grandmother used to say. No
doubt the stuffing has been knocked out of you
by failing your GCSEs three times, what you
are doing is obviously a cry for help. I think we need to
address your problems one at a time. May I
suggest you apply for a young persons travel
card which saves a third on all journeys.. or a
real stroke of genius here, why not apply for a
job as a conductor?
Oi
Trappy!
I have
recently been finding that I am sexually
attracted and excited by Richard Whitley of
'Countdown' fame. I am at my wits end and
totally despairing. What can I do ?
Trappy's
Response..
Clearly you
have reached true depths of depravity, my advice
is to go and purchase a large carton of whipped
cream, some celery and a whippet. I am sure that
these will ease your troubled mind, at worst you
can eat them, whippet excepted---- - on second
thoughts......................................................................
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Oi
Trappy!
I find myself
extremely envious of my neighbours job. It isn't
anything else and I don't really know why. He
doesn't have a bigger car, I have a good finance
job in the city, his wife is no more attractive
than mine... we both holiday abroad twice a year
(sometimes together as we're supposed to be
friends) his job isn't really one you would show
off about at parties and you certainly can't
advance with it like I can at work...I'm not
even sure if all of his responsibilities are
even legal so why am I jealous of a man whose
job is to film Hardcore Pornography? I am at a
loss!
Trappy's
Response..
I have
known extreme cases of envy like this before.
You do not mention your parents in this but did
you feel slighted by them as a child? I expect
you did and I also imagine you weren't allowed a
camera until you were in your late teens, hence
your jealousy of this man's obvious prowess with
something you dearly wanted as a child. It has
nothing to do with wanting to watch nubile oiled
women perform sensuous acts and get paid to do
it (as some amateur psychologists might
suggest!)
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