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 Exhibiting
an Uncle Joe (Stalin) Moustache, a Latvian Passport,
Bottle of Polish Vodka (Almost Empty) and newly honed
East European Accent (think Gary Oldman in Dracula)
Dimitriy Langdodzky III is a fully fledged New East
European Man!
In the new improved spirit of European
sharing, he wants to spread the word on how to be a
'Real Man' in the New Europe.
So here, 'Exclusively' for Bunce readers
are langdodzky's Top Ten Tips for becoming a real man
(based on his own lifestyle choices):
1) Waking up - "Wake up like a real man;
being blasted by iced water from a thousand tensing fire
hoses."
2)Making Love - "Make Love like a real
man; unflinchingly staring at a photograph of your sworn
enemy whilst putting bulldog clips on your testes".
3)Playing Sports - "Exercise like a real
man; Wrestling a Siberian Bear naked after whipping it's
testicles with nettles."
4) Cycling - "Ride a bike like a real
man; Only ride uphill, in top gear and using a hedgehog
as a saddle."
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Bunce Says -
Nasdravia!
5) Supporting your wife in child birth -
"Empathise like a real man; Urinate a bowling ball
whilst chewing glass."
6) Going Shopping - "Buy groceries like a
real man; Buy only meat, spirits and cake..... (maybe a
DVD or video game too)"
7) Smoking - "Smoke like a real man; Use
only a Pipe filled with grated Trabant Car tyres."
8)Swimming - "Swim like a real man; dive
only into water that you have broken the ice on, PLUS
wear only speedos."
9) Driving - "Speed along the highway
like a real man; Only drive in the rain, whilst grating
a raw onion with your teeth and bathing your eyes with
lemon juice."
10) Dying - "I'm going to die like a real
man, eating MEAT!"
So, there you have it.. and I bet you
wish you didn't.
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