Well it's ghastly isn't it? One spends
a pretty penny on a bijou break in the south of France and it
becomes a living hell. At Breakfast when one imagines that the
air will be filled by the beautiful melody of Gallic
petit-dejeuner chit-chat, the mood is broken by the guttural
rants of the underclass.
This was the reality for a simply
super couple from West Oxfordshire when placed in the same
five star hotel in the Cote D'Azur as some revellers from
Liverpool (or Sheffield or Manchester, Newcastle, Scotland,
Bedford.. it really doesn't matter). Philip and Cassie Hurd
had spent three blissful days touring Nice and on the third
evening noticed something afoot in the hotel lounge on their
return from a local vineyard. Cassie Explained 'It must have
been about 4 O'Clock or perhaps it was five... no it was
definitely 4 O'Clock because I had just made Philip retrieve
my smelling salts from the car for my head clearing session
before my Half past four nap. I was waiting in the lounge As
Philip returned from the car to carry me to bed and I turned
to see a group of approximately five people at the bar. The
group were clearly speaking in some dialect of English. I
clearly heard them mentioning "T' restaurant" and "T' Waiter"
but the rest was just incomprehensible gibberish. The two
women in the group (I shall not call them ladies!) were standing at the bar,
standing I ask you .. and were drinking what I can only
describe as something resembling Beer! As if that was not bad
enough, they were openly laughing and causing a fuss by asking
our Gallic friend behind the bar for something I think they
were calling scratched pork, whatever that is. The women were
quite brazen and did not seem to care who
might be watching, they were Despicable!'
Look!
Another one!
Philip and Cassie were upset by the
Northerners outrageous demands for non-pastry based breakfasts
in the restaurant and are thinking of suing their Travel
Consultants 'Rogerson & Son'. 'I don't know what went through
their minds when they allowed us to stay here with that scum?'
questioned Cassie politely.
It is not just the couple of incidents
mentioned above that upset the Hurds. Cassie cites the
following behavioural traits as further need for keeping
northerners away from upmarket resorts:
1) They smell awful (due to not
understanding soap)
2) They cannot afford elocution
lessons and therefore are impossible to communicate with.
3) Cutlery is an obstacle to eating
for them, not an AID.
Powerful stuff dear reader, we think
you will agree...
