It is an ancient Chinese art of deceiving the gullible where household objects are used to create balance in one's life. In other words, creating a bizarre environment. It is said that energy is carried by wind and retained when it hits water. This can be demonstrated by sticking the kettle lead in a toilet pan. Fengshui is also the practice of separating people from their money, this can become a religion.

Fengshui is increasingly becoming popular in today's society all over the world as people see the money making potential for fengshui. In fact, there are many books out there about this ancient Chinese art that it is not surprising to have conflicting information on how to practice fengshui, confusion is, after all the mother of all scams.

One author alone came out with several books on fengshui. Each teacher or author has different ways of presenting it. And the more you read, the more you get confused, read too many and your head will be certain to explode.

Bunce is concerned that the art of fengshui can be expensive, thus dear reader we have worked hard to give you shoestring fengshui.

Place an old pair of pants hanging from a string at your front door...  this will be sure to keep the evil spirits of Jehovah's witnesses away! Also has additional functionality for door to door salespeople and meter readers.

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Garden gnomes from 'Pound stretcher' (£1.99 a pair) if skilfully positioned by the front door will remove any chance of your home being flattened by elephant stampede. Bunce has several reference sites in Dorking where this has proved to be particularly effective.

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Keeping the toilet lid down ensures that happiness and money do not escape from the house. To guard against accidentally having the lid left open, Bunce recommends fitting lorry springs to the lid and keeping the phone number of a good neurosurgeon handy in the toilet.

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Fengshui dictates that Wind is good water is bad, a diet composed entirely of 5 tins per day of value baked beans and 500g of salt will be both cheap and at the same time meet these aims.