 This
Week sees two entries from Bill Monk of Essex. Bill, 51
from Leigh On Sea hasn't settled for just one entry in
our hall of fame but two!
His first tangle with
'Extreme Workplace Sports' Occurred when he decided to
go for a 'Double-header' in one go. He climbed to the
top of a thirty foot ladder and grabbed hold of a live
20,000 Volt Cable... whilst wriggling like an eel in a
bucket of vinegar. He barked the order to his assistant
(Mahandra Mistri) to kick away the ladder! This was
achieved with some haste and then Bill dropped like a
bag of shit to the floor, THE RECORD WAS SET 30 Feet
for the 'Electrocuted Factory Floor Freefall'. After a
brief stay in the local ICU Bill was back to work and
looking for new records to set!
The Second dose of
Extreme Workplace sports took some 'Intense'
organisation! First, a forkLift had to have the brakes
sabotaged, then a feeble excuse of items having to be
carried down a slope backwards had to be concocted. Once
this was done the forklift was positioned at the top of
a '1 in 8' hill on a car park exit ramp. Just for added
danger, two compressed gas cylinders (300psi) were
loaded onto the forklift so that they could explode when
the Fork Lift took off when hitting the speed bump at
the bottom!
Without a moments
hesitation Bill slammed the forklift into reverse and
started to pick up speed at an exponential rate. An
Extreme Workplace sports adjudicator ('Rhino' from
stores) kept up on foot as long as he could, by half way
the 25mph mark was reached and Rhino could only look on
in wonder...
A good crowd at
Lentons Medical suppliers had built up on the joining
wall to cheer Bill on in his attempt and were driven
wild as he hit the sleeping policeman at the bottom of
the ramp!
The forklift took off
with Mr.Monk screaming at the top of his lungs
(presumably for the benefit of the audience?) and
pitched down almost sideways several metres later.
Dramatic scenes followed as all the spectators dived for
cover as a brass coupling shot at them from the top of
one of the crashing gas tanks, the forklift then lurched
violently to its other side and came to rest in the
remains of the Citreon Xantia it demolished as the grand
finale!
When interviewed later
Mr.Monk was unable to show us his skidmarks created on
landing because his wife (Mrs.Barbara Monk, 29) had
already popped his underwear in the wash. The gouge
marks measured in at 4.5 metres so that's quite a line
in the sand for any would be Forklift long jumpers out
there!
When asked for his
motivation, Mr.Monk said "I recently gave up
smoking and needed to regain my edge ;-)".
If you're like Bill
Monk (as crazy as Charles Manson drinking creosote in a
decompression chamber) then we at the Bunce want to hear
from you at the usual email address: DrBunce@thebunce.co.uk
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