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Derek Garrett-Langdod
III seen with a mystery brunette at a Laurel and Hardy
Convention in February.
Feeling the
squeeze on his Fish and Chip empire's profits, DG-L III has
decided to speak out over controversy surrounding his 'Kosher
Fish and Chip Bistro'.
"Essentially, the use of the word
'Kosher' has been misinterpreted. Our Company's mission
statement demanded that we portrayed 'Quality' in our
branding. The word 'Kosher' was only ever intended to mean
'top notch', I wish we had used the word Pukka now.. it has a
better ring to it. I am truly sorry for any offence my actions
may have caused to those who look to me for guidance and those
who have supported me on my way to the top. Once again, I
would like to say 'I did NOT have sexual relations with that
woman.... hang on, bejesuz, I didn't mean to read out all of
Bill Clinton's speech just the bit about being sorry. I'll be
seeing you now right?". D G-L then disappeared to answer his
mobile phone.
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Bunce Says - Don't Skate on Thin Ice Langdod.
In a brief press release, the CEO
of Langdods sought to distance himself from accusations of
misrepresenting his name in order to align himself with
different social groups. "I have been accused of attempting to
entice ethnic groups into my kitchen by adding distinctive
middle names to my title in adverts and press releases. This
is a foolish thing to do as the society in Cricklewood is
dynamic and has traditionally enjoyed a large Jewish and Irish
community but studies show that Romanians will form the
largest immigrant group in Cricklewood by Q2 2004. I would not
be so stupid as to alienate myself from a future potential
market by aligning myself artificially with any current group
of customers", fumed Derek Anthony Nikolai Marcus Petrescu
Garrett-Langdon III of Bucharest.
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