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 With
insensitivity towards religious beliefs grabbing the
headlines all over Europe and Asia, Britain once again
does it's own thing with the cult of Basuism.
What is Basuism?
Not to be confused with Buddhism or
fluffing, Basuism is not an organised religion or
sex-industry practise. Basuism is a lifestyle choice
rather than a strict doctrine. Basuism (with a nod
towards a time when life was experienced at a gentler
pace) preaches an understanding for the finer,
more civilised things in life. For instance, rather than
wearing a modern bulky hooded jacket, Basuists are
encouraged to carry an umbrella (such as the one
pictured above) to protect their hair and over-coat from
unwelcome precipitation. There are no written rules for
followers of Basuism but the gentleman's agreement as to
what warrants an appropriate style of umbrella
translates to the following:
1) The umbrella should be dark in colour
(preferably black).
2) The umbrella should have a wooden
handle.
3) The umbrella should on no account be
made of transparent PVC with an image of Barbie on!
4) Finally the umbrella should be of a
size so that when carried (closed) under the arm it is
of sufficient length to trip passing commuters and goose
unsuspecting passers-by as you bend to pick up your
brief case.
Who are
Basuists?
Anyone who wishes to make
the effort to follow the simple directions laid down by
the founder Amit Basu may consider themselves a
Basuist.
How do I become a Basuist?
Rumours abound of underground meeting
places and disused buildings full of military/boarding
school style dorms (a la Fight club). Only last week a
group of exchange students in Hyde Park reported seeing
a half dozen young men in navy blue blazers offering
elderly people refreshments and giving up their benches
to pregnant ladies. A fortnight ago at Trafalgar square
a coach party of Lancastrian senior citizens claim to
have been given a free guided tour of the west end of
London by a group of middle aged men sporting burgundy
blazers carrying Hardback copies of the Good Beer guide
2006, but alas no documentary evidence has been
forthcoming. Not one of the daft old fools thought to
take a photograph of the Basuists in action.
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Bunce Says -
Lone Gentleman Fights the good fight!
  A
Essential items for Basuists..
If you wish to join the
craze, it doesn't need to be hard work. As demonstrated
with the Umbrella example earlier, it isn't too
difficult to enter into the spirit of Basuism and should
be understandable by most.
From what we can gather,
a few other directions are:
1) A Shirt and tie should
be worn whenever practical.
2) If the ambient
temperature allows it, a blazer should be worn whenever
frequenting a sports clubhouse, wine bar or public
house.
3) Commuters should
always carry suitable reading material. If a large
hardback novel or biography is not available, a
traditional broadsheet newspaper will suffice (a namby
pamby new style reduced size one will NOT cut the
mustard).
5) When frequenting a
drinking establishment, beverage choices should be
limited to real ales, fine wines, G&T's or Pimms.
6) Remember your P's and
Q's, treat others as you would wish to be treated
yourself.
Who is Amit Basu?
This is perhaps the
greatest mystery surrounding the whole cult of Basuism...
it is suggested that he is an elusive genius rumoured to
be a disenfranchised former leading light in the
Illuminati ruling class.. also he may be a reformed Gun
for hire, now seeking to put right the ills he bestowed
upon others... to be honest we haven't got a fucking
clue, and we don't care because conventional wisdom
states that 'you should never meet your heroes'!
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