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Weekdays
8.50 CBBC
Coloured
Fluffy Things
New
fun from the BBC, just how wacky and original
can these guys get ! First we had the
Tellitubbies, a
 bunch
of brightly coloured 'things' with no
discernable language skills, leading to a
generation of children who will struggle with
their orders at the McDonalds counter. Then as
if we weren't on 'thing' overload already, we
got the 'Tweenies',
another bunch of , err , brightly coloured
things, which in the opinion of TheBunce were
scarier than a a quiet night in with Barrymore.
Now the BBC, have commissioned a new mantlepiece
'Fimbles' , and hey, they are brightly coloured
furry things - Fimbo, Florrie  and
baby Pom - who inhabit a magical
valley."It's about discovery, but for me
it's different to Teletubbies and Tweenies
because it has a magical quality about it,"
said Pickard, the commissioning editor. Bunce
thinks , the quote was probably shouted from the
bars of a comfortably padded cell. However, not
to be outdone we are busy in our cubicles
writing a 50 part mini-series about 7 brightly
coloured drunkards from Basildon and their high
street adventures on their weekly drink,
shagging, and balti puke fest. CITV and The BBC
will be forming a disorderly queue anytime
soon...............
Bunce
Rating
 Tuesday
10.30 E4 (repeated S4C 2 a.m )
Big
Brother Bully Boys Bashathon -
Great
news for devotees of reality TV was revealed
today. In response to millions of calls to the
samaritans, C4 have released the outline for a
new show they intend to commission and show as
the flagship of their Autumn Schedule. In the
new show; Big Brother Bully Boys Bashathon,
contestants will be locked inside a reproduction
of
 their
parents house when they were only 6 years old
with a psychotic babysitter pretending to be
their older brother. The contestant knows that
all they have to do is last the six hours until
their parents return from the swingers party
next door without being admitted to hospital....
The Catch?? Simple, the contestant is injected
with a powerful pharmaceutical that decreases
mental function, lowers physical strength and
results in the contestant wandering around in a
trance like state of naivety*. For the next six
hours viewers will be presented with a list of
Bullying activities that they can vote for over
the phone. Anticipated acts of bullying will
range from force-feeding spoonfuls of marmite,
preparing Jif milkshakes and cat food sarnies to
prolonged bouts of tickling and full body
presses whilst letting rip with baked bean farts
right on their heads. C4 insiders are excited
that it will be the next big thing on TV and as
long as they can keep offering that prize of
£25 in Argos vouchers, sub-normals from estates
all over Britain will keep volunteering.
*
Contestants that have a morbid fear of
injections can opt to be sedated by watching a 4
hour straight session of re-runs of 'Beadles
About'.
Bunce
Rating
Wednesday 2.30 P.M C5
Bum
Poking from Brighton
 Contestants
have to endure three hours of being poked in the
bum by well known TV Chefs whilst blindfolded.
The winner is the contestant that can
successfully identify all the chefs and then
list at least three brainless money spinning
schemes each chef has been involved with that
have nevertheless relieved the British public of
millions.
Bunce
Rating
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Monday 9.25 P.M UK Style
Changing
Chimps
In
this episode the tables are turned on an
unsuspecting presenter  whilst
they are on location. Three chimpanzees are
given the task of making over Lawrence Llewellyn
Bowens house in Chelsea. Lawrence is despatched
to Basildon to renovate a 1970's multi-storey
car park armed with only a staple gun and 25
metres of chintz fabric.
 The
chimps are given free run of the local B&Q,
given alarmingly powerful electric cutting
devices and several sticks of high explosive.
Just see Lawrences face as he returns to
downtown Chelsea. The people of Basildon get a
surprise too.
Bunce
Rating
Waking
the Dead
Not
the ever popular BeeB One offering about solving
crimes years after the case was closed but an
attempt by C4 to create some positive PR in
light of the report that shows over 2million
British pensioners are having their sleep
seriously affected by the Water Colour
Challenge/Countdown Graveyard Slot. At the
moment over 92% of pensioners are asleep by the
end of Countdown and can often sleep through to
8 or 9 in the evening (well p ast
their normal bedtime) and find it hard to sleep
during the night. As they have a hard enough
time being slaves to their 'waterworks' C4 will
now be following Countdown with an incredible
extravaganza of noise. The show will have West
Indian Steel bands, ambulance sirens, car horns,
and the jewel in the crown; a noise incredibly
similar to their unmarried grandchild having sex
in the room upstairs (there isn't a senior
citizen alive that can sleep through that.)
Bunce
Rating
Monday 3.15 Living
Hypochondriacs
quiz Hour
A
succession of shallow, witless excuses for human
beings tackle each other head to head for the
honour of being named 'Britain's Champion
Hypochondriac' and the sterilised silver trophy
that goes with it.
Also
up for grabs are several sets of medical
dictionaries ,
first aid boxes and home anaesthetist and
DIY surgical kits.
Doctor
Rhigos Ba. Msc. D Phil (Kampala ) leads the
questioning and a bevy of beautiful babes hold
the drips................
Bunces
verdict " the programming that makes
Living the channel it is "
...................
Miss
it at your peril...
Friday 7.00 p.m BBC1, BBC2, BBC Choice
At
Home With Judith
Viewers
are treated to the unrepeatable ( well actually
you will be seeing this for years to come)
prospect of a two hour tour around the home of
our very own
 Judith
Chalmers. Taking up where " through my
arsehole" with Lloyd Grossman left
off, we get to see many of Judith's
intimate bits as we are shown round her home
from home.
Such
unmissables as her vast collection of pottery
trinkets from Clacton and Great Yarmouth, that
delightful hand stitched football from that
Adidas factory in India ( remember those
delightful, Indian children happy in their work
in last Autumns " another trip with
Judith" ?
We
also get to share in Judith's passion for home
made jams and cross stitch.
2
Hours of unashamed joy.
Bunce
Rating
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Monday 9 P.M ITV Digital
Watery
Graves
Part
1 – Utterly unqualified but amazingly
patronising amateur archaeologist/scuba diver  Tony
Robinson demonstrates once again why he should
have stuck to BlackAdder
and childrens shows.
In tonight's first
show Tony sickens us all by visiting a Norman
grave that now resides below sea level near an
abandoned chalk pit in
Sussex
.
Our
Tony spends 15 minutes making ball-achingly
obvious statements like ‘be careful of that
JCB digger’ before spending another 20 minutes
showing us tragic close ups of badly decomposed
skulls in the mistaken belief that he is showing
us something mildly educational.
Tune
in next week when we can only prey they send him
down to the titanic in a non-pressurised tin
bath.
Bunce
Rating
Saturday
10.15 p.m BBC1
The
Jimmy Hill Tales
A
six part series of conversations between two
drinking companions well after the ninth pint of
5% lager when the more dominant and excitable
 partner
in the relationship relays a story of
fantastical scope about someone he once vaguely
knew. At the end of the conversation, a floating
cut-out of Jimmy Hill’s head floats across the
screen with Jimmy appearing to shake his head
and rub his enormous chin in disbelief.
Episode
1- the guy from the year above at school who was
in debt to the tune of Half a Million to a Triad
family and had a wife who hated him and wanted
to divorce him, leave him penniless with his
failing business and run off with a Gym
instructor. This guy when faced with rock bottom
in his life happens to be flying across the
arctic circle.. falls out, right? Is frozen in
Ice for 10 years and then coz of global warming
is brought back to life by Russian scientists
looking for Mammoths. In the meantime, the Triad
family he owned money was wiped out by Yardies,
his wife had collected his life insurance,
invested it in the NASDAQ and died within 3
months in an over energetic sex act with the Gym
instructor. So , he inherits the millions, can
forget about the Triads and cops off with that
woman from Pop stars who couldn’t sing but had
big tits after meeting her at a press conference
about his lucky escape!.... Jimmy’s Scratched
and shaken chin takes centre stage!
NEXT
WEEK : Tune in to hear about the guy he knew who
had unfettered broad band internet access from
BT even though he didn’t live in ‘the city
of Westminster’!!!!
Bunce
Rating
Friday 2.30 P.M EasySport channel
Swimming
with Barrymore
Small children and the sexually confused are taught the  breaststroke
and other advanced moves in the privacy of
Michael Barrymore's private pool. With the help
of a bunch of willing but naive bi-sexual
builders from Basildon and copious amounts of
drugs ( which Michael will strenuously deny all
knowledge of as the program progresses), we are
also taught how to drag the pool for floaters
and stragglers left after those 'rough sex
parties'.A solid learning experience is assured.
Bunce
Rating
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